I’m starting to realize that my unhealthy boundaries are also in some of my “friendships.” I use that term lightly, because in all honesty all I have are a bunch of associates. A bunch of people who are in my pockets, my inbox, and my text but have no real part of my life. They don’t call to see how I am or what I might need. They call on me to suck up my energy and dim my light with their sob stories, begging, and gossip. Yes, I understand that life gets hard, but at the same time we have to check ourselves to make sure that we have done all we could on our own before we burden other people.
When I sit and analyze the people I know by name, I may count one or two as a friend, someone that I would be able to depend on if necessary. I thought I’d learned the friend lesson years ago, but for some reason I just keep on falling into this loop of disappointment.
I’m done now because I’ve flipped the switch in me that doesn’t give a flying fuck who may need what from me. If you were a fan of Vampire Diaries, like myself, one would say I’ve switched off my humanity. I don’t owe anyone my time, my space, my conversation, or anything of me that may drain me.
My actual best friend told me that she sleeps with her phone on silent and I’m thinking about doing the same. After ten, there will be just me and my bed. Hell, maybe nine because I’m old and I like my rest.
It took me a while to realize that the people in my life think it’s okay to call on me whenever necessary. It’s because I’m the giver of all things. I hate to see other people suffer so I will give of myself until they are at peace. I take on others people’s issues as if they are my own.
I can make a list of all the things that I need back, but I won’t because I’ve released it into the universe and gotten it back tenfold.
I challenge you to do the same. Go through every contact in your phone and ask would this person give me the shirt off of their back if I needed it? Could I call them to pay a bill? Could I call them for a ride if I was stranded on the side of the road? Could I live with this person if ever my shelter were in jeopardy?
I promise you that your view of each person individually will change. People don’t do enough but require so much.
So today I did some deleting and blocking of people that are honestly just a waste of space and I made my personal pages private. They can support my business if it’s real. I’m still sitting with the idea of changing my number. Soon though, soon.
I want to be in fellowship with like minds and energy. Nothing less. Iron sharpens iron.