The Gentle Journey

I leave this space and I come back to it. I know that can be annoying, but… I’ve accepted that I’m not always in the mood to type out ten pages whether it be positive or negative. And that’s okay. I do it when I can benefit from it internally, like, halting overthinking or processing.

Today we process.

Spiritual journeys are a trip. Just when you think you know something, you realize you still know nothing at all. Since 2019 I’ve been on this road of gentleness and grace. These were two things I lacked in my life because they were not within me to give or receive. I’m not the gentlest person, especially not when it comes to communication. This Aries (mercury) will give you a run for your money in an argument or even not. I’m still working on my mouth, but my insides are different.

I have found that in being gentle with yourself, you expect others to be the same way. Unfortunately that doesn’t always happen, but… it’s okay to desire it. To crave it. I thought I liked aggression, but now I’m learning that was due to me being unhealed and toxic. I approach everything different inside of grace from conversations about politics to arguments about race. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been in school to become a therapist for the last two and a half years. Almost there y’all.

This evaluation has me thinking about what gentleness looks like from others, so here with are with a few of my quick thoughts.

What do gentle lovers look like?

• They watch their tone and language with you.
• Apologizing and also practicing forgiveness
• They wash your hair.
• Maybe they polish your nails and toes (LOL)
• They give you hugs when you need them and when you don't
• They respect your space (knocking on the door before entering a room you’re in- working on this myself)
• They kiss you.
• They listen
• They don't cut you off while speaking (flaw of mine- I said I'm working on myself)
• They respect you even when angry, always.
• They wipe your tears.
• They let you process your trauma without making it about them.
• They don’t put a time limit on your trauma process (I want us to talk more about PTSD from relationships)
• Sex is more than an orgasm
• Staying present
• Maybe they lay with you for hours, saying and doing absolutely nothing. 
• Admitting when their feelings are hurt.
• Weekly check-ins will matter

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What do gentle friends look like?

• Asking how you are before unloading their drama on you
• Not repeating the same things to you, especially things with simple solutions
• Sometimes allowing you to vent without giving an opinion
• Holding space for you
• Being present
• Listening. Really listening
• Not holding long periods of silence against you
• Reminding you they are there even in your absence

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While this list could probably be longer, these are things that came to me as I sat here writing. I will amend it if anything more comes to me. Until then, this is what I’m seeking now and in the future. Just like healing, this too is an every day practice. Loving is an ever day practice. I've been been both proud and not so proud of myself in this area, but nonetheless I call myself on it when I'm the opposite.