I moved to Washington in 2014. I’ve been on a crazy path of growth and learning since I crossed this state line. The first thing that I started to miss while being away from home was the food. I ranted about it in Facebook and one of my Facebook friends suggested I try a restaurant called “The Quarters.”
This one hurts y’all. It hurts bad.
It took me almost a year or so to actually visit the restaurant because well, I never believe people when they send me to places that are supposed to taste like home—New Orleans.
December 15, 2016 my ex had stayed over because well I’m needy like that and she would always oblige. She came straight from the gym and the next morning for some reason I wanted to try “The Quarters.” She was always down for a food adventure. We stopped at a Goodwill—one of my favorite places—dressed her up and went on our way.
I felt at home the second that we pulled into the parking lot. The restaurant sits in the middle of a quaint space in Auburn, Washington. I walked through the doors and was instantly amazed by the art and music. We were instructed to sit wherever we pleased, so we did.
There were notebooks in the middle of each table. My nosey behind grabbed one and started thumbing through the pages. It was nothing but love and raves about the food and atmosphere. This place was home to many.
Then she came… Jade. Like the light she was, she smiled at my ex and I and made us feel like we were having a conversation with our favorite cousin. She was so full of life. I don’t think there was a moment she was never not smiling.
She had the perfect name. “Jade (crystals) is said to bless whatever it touches, serving mankind across the globe for nearly 6,000 years. Jade is most valued for its metaphysical properties. It is the ultimate "Dream Stone," revered in ancient cultures, as well as today, to access the spiritual world, gain insight into ritualistic knowledge, encourage creativity, and dream-solve. It is cherished as a protective talisman, assuring long life and a peaceful death, and is considered a powerful healing stone. An amulet of good luck and friendship, Jade signifies wisdom gathered in tranquility, dispelling the negative and encouraging one to see oneself as they really are.”
$40.00 would get us the best breakfast I’d had since I’d been in Washington. Jade would check on us as often as she could. She steal time to talk with us, telling us about her wife Chef T and their kids. She’d share her struggles about their restaurant and stepping out on faith and she’d fill us with love and encouragement for living life to the fullest. She was an open book like myself, which I found odd since she was a Scorpio. We’d leave with full hearts and belly’s and I’d never stop thinking about her. Some people just leave lasting impressions.
We promised to visit again.
A year later, on the same date we’d visit again and she’d remember us like she’d just seen us the day before. She’d give us free dessert and bad news that cancer was trying to beat her down. We’d both shed tears and hugs—Jade and I— because I know this pain all too well having a Mom that had to fight it twice. Jade was a fighter. She had so many reasons to just be alive. Her wife, her kids, and their business that was much more than a place to make food and money. “The Quarters” was/is a safe space for communion. So, what is it with a missing piece?
She’d always make it her business to spend as much talking time with us as she could. She was a walking blessing, giving to others even when she didn’t have much. She always reminded us to let the poor and hungry know they were always welcome to eat at her family’s establishment for free.
So here’s that age old question. Why do awful things happen to good people? She was a good people. I’ll always remember that smile on her face when we saw her for Easter and stayed for an Easter egg hunt, which I was bad at by the way. She told us where the good stuff was and well, epic fail. Still, one of the best times I’ve had in Washington. She and her wife are always doing things for the community. That’s why this hurts.
I’d been off social media for the longest and today I log in to see that she lost. I’m still processing. Watching her wife in pain was a stab to the chest. Jade’s energy has faded into the universe and I can’t imagine what life will be like for her wife and her children. What do you do when you lose your heart, you’re backbone, you’re air?
For you, I’ll learn to take more risk.
This Tuesday is an astrologically eventful day — we have both a new moon in Cancer and a total solar eclipse.
Don’t you just love Cancer season? I don’t. I feel all of my feels and my Aqaurius moon is confused like a motherfucker. Why? Because the Aquarius is logical and detached, so it’s literally like what is this?! It’s sadness you asshole, it’s disappointment, it’s fear, it’s life and we can’t run from it. It was a good weekend y’all. GOOD GOOD. I know it seems like I’ve been in hiding ( I have), but for good reason. Here’s my quick check-in:
So yeah, my time and energy has been well spent. I will say this. I’m in a phase of healing from a lot of things. Healing is ugly and my God is it painful. It’s like having someone walking in front of you with a mirror and they never get tired. I’m forced to see myself 24/7 without a break. Even as I write this blog, another part of my brain is focused on what I need to meditate on tonight. All-in-all my spirit is remembering peace and freedom again. I want to speak on one breakthrough in particular that I had this past Saturday.
I’ve always been obsessed with past lives and trying to figure out who I used to be and how much of that energy followed me into this life. We live many lives. Many. This one in particular has me shook. I was some kind of slave, but I got away. I followed a false leader that didn’t have my best interests at heart (a Leo). I used art for my sanity. I was also sick a lot (stress, depression, physical, and emotional abuse, etc.), but I remained spiritual. I struggled with finances because of this leader. What that means for me in this life? I’ve rejected religion and social constructs. I have hella trust issues. I care about my health. I have a lot of anger and resentment toward certain races. I love to cook. I care about the Earth. I’m financially secure. I’m a shape-shifter/chameleon. I’m a rebel. I can read people’s energy and know instantly if they are good for me. I’m a liberator/healer/teacher. All truth.
My gifts and talents that followed me to this life: singing, dancing, massage therapy, physical therapy, physical training, and speaking/communication.
Life is funny. Real funny. The theme of my life has been that I can’t forgive. Y’all don’t understand how stubborn I am. I can hate you until I die. I laughed when I learned that the only way for me to get to my highest, highest self is to forgive. I have to heal my root and heart chakra. My past life also has lots of good Karma. I always wondered why I’ve been so fortunate or lucky or blessed, whatever term you choose to use. It’s my soul. It’s beautiful. (Insert tears)
I cried crocodile tears, because now everything in my life has been confirmed. I’m on the right path and none of my pain in life has been in vain. Liberation is the chapter I’m in, in my life. I wrote a list of people that I need to forgive. Whether they forgive me or not is on them, not that I’ve ever really dealt with people who couldn’t forgive. It’s always been me. Some people on my list are harder to forgive than others, but I plan on crossing off all of the names before the year is over. Or at least, I hope to do my best. Carrying hate is a dark energy and it will eat you from the inside. I know this as fact because being bitter and angry has caused me to make poor decisions. I’ve hurt people, self-sabotaged, shut down, played victim, I’ve half-loved lovers, spewed venom from a hurt place, isolated myself, and acted out in revenge a few times, because Karma just didn’t work fast enough. I’m also paying attention to my triggers. They are where my deepest wounds are and need my TLC. I got this.
33 years and I’m finally done running from myself, my ugly truths, and other people who simply just wanted to make amends or apologize. Accepting an apology won’t kill you. This wave of emotions has been heavy. Heavy because my body is catching up. I blocked my healing with relationships, sex, alcohol, weed, and the biggest of all anger. Anger is a motherfucker and a monster. Even though my anger wasn’t always displayed in physical violence, it came out in other ways that were still destructive. We don’t get a do-over in life, but we can reset.
I also want to set my next life up for success by balancing energies in this life. That means breaking karmic ties so they don’t repeat and recognizing soulmates (romantic and non-romantic) and the lessons that they come with (next blog). Honoring the good that came from these connections and not harping on the bad.
Healing cost time, energy, ego, relationships, money, and money. When you are ready for a shift, put everything on the table. Change isn’t cheap, but holding out on yourself costs more than you can give, -Chani Nichols
Understanding yourself and people is not a waste of time.
I’ll leave you with what I listen to when I wake up and before I fall asleep:
Love and Light beautiful humans. Keep choosing love. Let go of regret. Follow your heart.
Random confirmation from a stranger.
The face of freedom and peace <3