Being in love is for people that can swim. And I’m not talking about in the deep blue.
Define love for yourself. Everyone has this idea of what love is supposed to look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, and maybe even taste like. Smell and taste may be more for my Taurus sisters and brothers since we’d almost always choose food over human connection. I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner as I write this right now.
I’m going to drag my own dirty laundry into this blog, because well, I only have my own experiences to stand by when it comes to how I see and define love. I’ve never viewed love as this complicated thing. I either feel it or I don’t. I do however believe that it changes when the word “in” is placed in front of it. I’ve loved many people, but actually being “in” it has been a rarity. You might want to check yourself and a few past connections or current ones after this, because yeah…
Nobody digs around in their past more than me. I’m always evaluating and reevaluating wondering what was real, where certain traumas took place, who took what from me, and how the fuck do I get it back. My love life has been one long ass rebound. I can honestly think of ONE relationship where the connection was “pure.” I was 22, living my best life, and heartbreak free for more than a few years. I was “ready” to love. The “in” just ran up on me like a hood chick and started swinging.
Love is pleasant. It’s checking on you from time-to-time, wanting the best for you and all that I care about you type shit.
Infatuation is one step beneath love and it’s also fleeting, but it can damn sure feel like love. It’s I want to see you everyday, tell me all the great things about you, so I can be more infatuated, because damn… you check off everything I’ve desired on my list. Do one wrong thing though and it’s over for you, maybe. These red flags need to find something better to do, because I’m not paying attention is what infatuation represents.
Being “in” love? This shit right here my nigga. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE? I’d jump in front of a bullet and fight a dangerous animal naked with my bare hands for you.
Okay, I’m going to back up, because I’m getting hype and ahead of myself.
By-the-way, this blog is brought to you by this sarcastic ass, shit-talking Gemini that likes to test my gangster and my intellect. She started a cynical ass blog that she wrote with this quote.
“There is something so valuable in being with yourself- In sleeping alone, avoiding conversations, only going where one knows you and never staying too long.
Even and especially when you are part of a couple and or a family, being with yourself is a priority, separate rooms, separate friends, separate everything. This way the sharing you do is a welcomed choice, and is never forced. And in this space, in this bubble, you will read and plan, you will watch documentaries, take a few online courses and you will execute. You will gain confidence without pats on the back or the constant support of someone else.
You will rely on yourself, and you will prove to yourself that you are capable and worthy. You will learn the difference between being by yourself and being with yourself, and you will uncover the riches of self- sufficiency.
And you’ll remember that you don’t need anyone to validate your existence. You will grow comfortable with long silences. You will thrive in being unreachable. And you will create.
You won’t know much of what happens outside of your bubble and that’s good. You will protect your energy from negativity, anger, envy, gossip and stagnation. Your phone will not ring and no one will be at your door.
You will be free.
And everyone will wonder where you went, why you don’t show your face and why you have no interest in being a monkey in their circus.
It will confuse them, at first but soon they will recognize how stabilized you are in such a dizzying world. They will take note of the wisdom behind your disappearance, and the peace and happiness you have found away from the chaos of the times.
Soon, they will ask you how you managed and you will be called to teach them. “ K.S.
Okay, K.S., shoutout to self-love and self-care or whatever. Because this is the shit you do in order to be ready for a real relationship. This is how to keep your own mind and path. I bet K.S. ain’t singing this song when it’s time for an orgasm, unless she’s asexual or hella in love with her vibrator. You can’t avoid human connection without going completely insane. What you can do is evaluate those connections and categorize them by which ones matter most and work for your growth. I mean I get it, “I Love You” can change a life and make people feel exactly how K.S. feels, because you never truly know if it’s coming from a sincere place. People use it to get what they need from you sometimes and it can make you bitter. I’ve been on both sides of “I love you.” I choose the side that feels good and now, I just trust myself. The universe always lets me know when it’s real.
I’m always getting off track. I’m just going to share her words and make her eat them line by line.
“Love is universal. Love is eternal. Love exists through the eyes, the heart and the soul. Love is internal. Love is interchangeable. Love is tangible and solid.”
“Being in love: That’s something my perceptual mind hasn’t quite grasped. What would be the reason to be “in” something instead of being something. Can I be love? Loving? A lover?
I’m already ‘In” a relationship with a person, why would I have to be “in” something else with them? *sighs*…The invisible pressures.”
“One does not grow up learning how to be “in” love. We grow up learning what love is, what it feels like and how to love. Love unconditionally, love without limits, love, love, love…
All this talk about love but people don’t even love themselves forreal, so how am I supposed to take being “in“ love seriously? Being ‘In’ love is overrated. Unpopular opinion.”
“Being ‘In’ love takes a relationship to a false level of expectation. It creates an uncertainty, some anxiety and most of all, it creates real monsters. “Do you love me, or are you In love with me?” *eye roll* Questionable question. I already love you. What more could you want from me?
I’m sharing everything with you. My time, my peace, my struggle, my food, my resources, my pain, my pleasure, my wins, my losses, the list goes on. I love you so much, that I could scream!
Is that ‘In’ Love?”
“I will always have your back, I will remain loyal, I will set precedence over my actions and call it magic if you’d like. I will do anything necessary to keep you happy so why does this have to entail me being ‘in love?’ Not saying that you can’t live out your mythical fairytale but if I entail everything that you desire, why does love have to be something that is seen as a myth?”
“I could be “in” love but what does that mean?”
I “believe in synchronicity or serendipity. No tales. No fairies. No false hopes.
I will love you with every drop of my blood.
I will love you beyond immeasurable standards.
I will desire every part of your being every day that I wake up.
I will never run out of love to give but one can run out on me and tell me that they have no more love to give.”
“but I thought you were “in” love with me.” I asked.
“The fire gone out, it was a flickering flame and all that we were left with was ourselves, in this room, face-to-face, at war with open wounds. What a way to use a word to defend an action, & ending a moral satisfaction. Be surprised if you will, but that in love shit was a blanket over a window, you might as well swallow a pill.
Love is forgiveness.
Being “In” love may create limits. It could cause an addiction.
Why haven’t I been in love? Because every time I’ve loved, I’ve loved with entirety. I’ve loved with intent. I’ve loved to the fullest. I loved with no regret. I’ve loved with passion. I’ve loved with the deepest parts of me and all of me you get. My love doesn’t come with stipulations; you get all this love with no complications. (sort of) That’s why I feel the love I give is real because it comes with all the things that make you feel, all the emotions, all of the actions, all of this satisfaction. This is the silver lining in the sky. This is a rainbow at night.
THAT LOVE HIT DIFFERENT WHEN YOUR ENERGY IS MATCHED. BE ALL IN OR BE OUT. In conclusion, being in love is for the people that can what? So, sink or swim, you choose. You can even decide what you can handle: river, lake, pond, or ocean. This cynic in particular has clearly been dealing with women that enjoy the shallow. Ol' wade in the water ass love. I choose oceans every time.