Surviving Seattle: Love, friendship, weather, and depression

I’ve been working on this blog since last year. Okay, so maybe not actually writing it, but thinking about. The Northwest is an interesting place and one day while taking a long bus ride (522) home in the rain, I laughed thinking about the fact that I have survived here (kind of) being loud and Southern. If you’ve never lived here then you are about to learn how those two things stick out.

I moved to Washington State in 2014 after a poor decision to get married. I lived in a city called Lacey, which was literally a stop light from Olympia. It rained a bit and I never saw snow, so I figured this place might not be so bad. The worst thing about where I was, was probably the mushroom factory. It made the entire city smell like open ass and shame. It’s safe to say that candles and me had a close relationship.

Fast forward to eight months later. My ex-wife had done some bullshit and decided a new house would be a new start, so we moved to Puyallup, Washington, which is a bit further North. I loved this area and loved my house even more. I was dead smack in the middle of everything and it didn’t take me an hour to get to Seattle for poetry on Tuesday nights. I didn’t have to get on I-5 (which is the traffic devil), if I didn’t want to. I got to fall asleep to the sounds of frogs in the pond in the backyard and the weather was doable. It didn’t snow (much) and the rain didn’t stop my show. What I did have to deal with was a year or so of marital problems and misery. My escape was Seattle. I’d drive there because the grungy looking city reminded me of home with its clutter and art. I loved Pike Place. Still do. I said to myself that I probably wouldn’t mind living there. Things always seem so nice from the outside, right?

So in May of 2016, I’d pack my shit and leave the whole state and my wife behind.

I’d return in December 2017 to be with my now Said Lover who I’d met in 2015 and started dating in 2016: story for another day. She lived in Seattle.  She’d shown me a lot about the city, but my brain went in circles because there were so many places, from Sodo to Westlake, Belltown, Othello, The CD, Columbia City, Beacon Hill, Chinatown (NOT international district, fuck you to the white boy that tried to correct me. I said what I said), U-District, Capital Hill, South Lake Union (fuck Jeff Besos)… the list literally goes on. I actually know most of these places now and can drive them without GPS. GO ME!

Now let’s get into the nitty-gritty. How the fuck does one survive here?

1. Buy rain boots and snow boots. I’m serious.
2. Buy a raincoat or waterproof coat. It’s rains in fucking winter. (www.thenorthface.com) I paid $95.00 for a jacket, but it was worth every penny. It’s keeps me warm and dry and it has pockets that button to protect my cell phone.
3. Get an Orca card, even if you drive, because parking is a whole bitch. Concerts, pride, football games, just ride the train homie. Leave your car at home. If you are someone who is used to driving, like me, this will probably not sound appealing. My boujee ass was not a fan at first, but the transportation is immaculate. I can write or read, text, talk on my phone, or take a nap while I ride and someone else pays attention. They can lower that $2.75 price, but it’s Seattle so... I digress. Everything here is high as fuck, which brings me to my next survival tip.
4. Right now you need to make at least 24.02 to live here. So you have a few options. Get two jobs, get a damn good job, get a sugar mama/daddy, get a roommate, live with a gf/bf/friend, or get a studio.  No matter what, you will be forced to live in a box, because it’s the way apartments here are built. I’ve become a minimalist. Yes, me. The girl that loves to fill a house from wall-to-wall with shit I swear I need.  I still have more clothes and shoes than necessary and that will never change.
5. Cars. Let me reiterate that parking is a whole bitch. So much so that they capitalize on it. Apartment complexes charge anywhere from 25-175 for one parking space. Yes, the place where you already pay rent will charge you just to turn off your car and let it sit for eight hours. It’s a sin and a shame. It’s like pay us or shoot your shot with street parking, which is literally a hunger games movie. Parking is by zone, which means you need a sticker in your window that matches that zone if you plane to be there longer than 2 hours before 6PM. Oh, the sticker cost money, too. I wish this was a joke.  
6. This one is for my radical black people. Be very careful who you date. There are like ten black people here and even less if they are gay. You get one shot to get it right. Everyone will know. Everyone. Even if they say nothing, they know. And if you’re like me, you’ll just kind of be on the outside staring at them, while they stare at you. My other options right now are to date a friend, date a friend of an ex, date the ex of an ex, date the enemy of an ex, keep fucking an ex,  date someone outside of my race, or masturbate. Cold world. Masturbation for 100 Alex because everyone knows my ex. I think I’ll just move in November. *nods* Somebody give me the scoop on Denver, Vegas, Texas, and/ or Arizona. I got questions.
7. Black people here aren’t like black people in the South. Don’t come here expecting them to be the same. They aren’t. They are passive aggressive, some let their white friends use the “N” word, and they hang out like cliques in high school. Find yourself two good friends and live. If you’re lucky you’ll find more. Just know that once you find your people this place is that much more enjoyable. My people keep moving away, but I love them anyway and I get why they had had enough. I’m hanging in there. Barely, but I’m doing it and I deserve a back rub and food.
8. You will see the same people at every event and the events aren’t always that great. Everyone here seems to think they are creative and you’ll go and be underwhelmed by the mediocrity. Hey, if they like it, I love it. I will say that I have seen a few impressive things here, but not enough to keep me fed.
9. Don’t even waste your time going to a strip club. They don’t serve alcohol and the strippers don’t show much of anything. Save your coins and take trips to Atlanta and Miami.
10. Lesbian clubs for women of color… nope. They have all dated each other and seem to dislike one another, so no one really supports each other. And they definitely don’t support outsiders.
11. Clubs that play trap music… rare. Drive to Lakewood or Tacoma. Bring a gun.
12. Buy a sun lamp. A gay guy here told me this one and I wish I’d known this sooner. I suffer from depression. Been suffering from it since I was a child. The sun really helps with this and this place does not have a lot of that with damn near 186 days of rain or snow.
13. People here are homeless. Accept it. Do it now, otherwise you will be like me every time you see a tent or beggar. I’m either digging in my wallet for cash to assist or on the verge of tears. I’m going to get a hotel for someone for a week. I’ve added that to my list of things to do in my thoughts to do more. I also want to give someone a coat and a haircut or style. I just want to do more because each time I see someone struggling in these streets I ache and realize that I am so fortunate.
14. Follow event pages on Facebook because if you don’t, you will never hear about anything. I don’t know who does the advertising here, but they suck ass. DVSN was here and I found out by walking past the venue they were playing at while I was taking a lunch break. The tickets were sold out and I was pissed.
15. Interracial dating is the norm, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself being catcalled by an asian or white boy and all his friends.
16. Protest happen often. It fucks up traffic more and there are more white people marching than blacks. It’s kind of hilarious, too. I watch it from my bed. I don’t march. Ever. Let me know when we’re actually fucking shit up for change and I’m there.
17. Black nail techs, hair salons, and hair stores are hard to find. Join Seattle Naturals on Facebook.
18. Do the basic shit: Pike Place, ride the Ferris wheel, ride ferries, visit the islands, dine in the Space Needle, do the outlet malls, do the underground tours, see Mt. Rainier, do hikes and all the outdoor shit, eat all the food, go to Alki beach, do everything.
19. Be careful with Uber, Ubereats, lyft, and all that convenient shit, because it cost. You’ll be booking that shit left and right and wondering where your money went. It went to taxes and booking fees. Blame yourself.
20. And lastly, if you can’t drive on hills, like me, just avoid them all together. Them shits will have your anxiety acting up in ways that you never thought possible. Oh, and gas is high AF. Get a Costco card.

That’s all folks!