The Mysogynist Stud

You know, I have to have a million thoughts about why folks need to leave studs alone. Studs are women, mainly Black women, just trying to be accepted and loved and I want to protect them like I want to protect all Black women. Because let’s be real, the world hates Black women. They’ve been objectified and commodified forever, so naturally, a masculine Black woman needs to be protected at all costs for so many reasons.  

However, studs be TRIPPIN' trippin'. Somebody needs to have a conversation with them about their collective boisterous misogyny. You know how folks say Black men are the white people of Black people? Well if that’s true, studs are the white queers of black queers. I hate this identity politics shit, I really do. It’s the reason I can’t formulate decent professional relationships with people. But if you’re gonna draw the identity card then at least have the decency to understand the complex nature of identity and performance.

I’ve given studs more than enough chances at love with me in the past, but I’m on some never again type shit at the moment. Simply because a lot about their identity makes me feel like if I wanted to date someone with masculine energy that openly and actively hated me, I would date a cishet white man. I’m good love, enjoy. Sure we should transcend our experiences and not let them become us. And I’ll do that when studs stop trying to be my dad--most of them all my day, to be unpacked on another day.

We (queer folk) have done this really fucked up thing in the LGBTQIA+ community where we somehow re-stacked patriarchal order but with queer identities (which is another reason to do away with identity politics). Almost, like, we can’t exist without somehow oppressing someone who has less social agency than us or something. But can someone kindly explain to studs that just because they perform a masculine identity that does not inherently mean they need to exude toxic masculine energy? Some examples I’ve witnessed in life that makes my ass itch:

1. Studs telling other studs they can’t date studs - baby girl, I guarantee you are still gay if you happen to date a woman who wears clothes just as masculine as yours. This is born out of this idea that the masculine cannot exist without the feminine. These exact same studs say femmes shouldn’t date other femmes. Sounds a lot like men telling lesbians their bodies were meant for heterosexual loving only…
2. Studs slut shaming women for their choice in sexual partners - this isn’t a new one. If I had a nickel for every lesbian that ditched a bisexual I would be filthy fucking rich. I was once in a Facebook group for intellectual conversations facilitated by queer folks and everyday I think I heard a new way some stud was bashing bi-girls. Their reasoning being bi-girls fuck men who give them diseases and they bring them to the queer and lez community which--no. No, that’s now how that works. A lot of lesbians don’t know they can also spread disease? But sure, punish bi-girls for their sexuality. The real tea is these same studs who have sex with men in secret but that’s none of my business.
3. Studs reinforcing patriarchal gender roles by demanding they be the dominant in their relationships--now  I won’t place this solely on studs. I’ve seen some femmes treat their stud like a grown ass man and not blink a false eyelash. I have a whole as rant about the femme role in this community and how they assist in holding up these problematic ideals. However, I will say the studs who think this is necessary for Sapphic love, please stop. You are absolutely allowed to perform your gender in anyway that suits you, but don’t get it twisted sweetie. We’re both being oppressed by the same white supremacist patriarchal hegemony. Just because you mirror their mannerisms now don’t make you exempt. If I want to pick up the check occasionally, empty my trash, work on my car or whatever the case may be, you ought to understand that I don’t need some dude-like woman being near me to keep me dainty. I will fix this oil leak then top you until you forget your name young ma’am.
4. Studs questioning/gatekeeping the validity of other masc presenting women - I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to explain this to you nig-nogs but here it is one more time for the one time: Gender is fluid. Just because I wear pants today doesn’t mean I need to man spread every time I sit. I remember seeing a post about a month ago where the stud in the photo had pressed hair. The studs in the comments LOST THEIR SHIT. I get it, a lot of masc identifying among women is cultural and that’s valid. But don’t let trends rule how you perceive yourself. You deserve to express yourself in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. Weave? Wear it. Eyeline? Nail polish? Do that shit. You have the best of both worlds my love. Don’t be the box, don’t live in it. And definitely, don’t let motherfuckers who wasn’t raised right and obviously need therapy tell you how to stud. Okay? Okay.
5. Studs, and this one really irks my soul, who think “turning girls out” is a hobby- let me be the first to say I HATE when anyone compares queer girls to men. I know this ranting seems like I am but I’m really not, it just so happens that masculinity and misogyny have become synonyms. And at the slightest hint anyone tries to make the implication that queer women are anything like men simply because queer girls and cishet men both love women makes my blood boil. However predatory lesbians can fucking C H O K E. I would say this is probably the worst thing lesbians do and it’s worse than when men do it because they use their “docile” femaleness as a mask. My sister told me a story once about her in college and having a trusting circle of girlfriends and feeling complete for having that bond w, where she truly found herself and her tribe. Other women like her. That is until one of them tried to drug her in order to get her to “let loose” and sleep with her. No means no across every gender and sexuality. A lot of studs think because a girl is hot and smiles in her direction she’s a go, and from this the conversations of “turn her out” start to brew and becomes accepted. Do you not realize you are also women? Objectifying other women to position yourself higher on the food chain only makes you more scum. It don’t matter that your finger bang game is on or your tongue and strap game is crazy. SHE AIN’T GAY.

These things are really not even half of my issues with studs. I could go on and on about how studs also share this fuckery onto other queer groups like gay men and trans people. LORD do not get me started on the transphobia of studs. I will just say that studs have a lot of guts going in on trans men when they have parallel experiences when it comes to being clocked about their gender. Knock it off and understand we are in this together. You may have become fluid in the language of the oppressor but your gay ass still ain’t no citizen. Remember that the next time a man catcalls you and says “I know what you’re hiding under them baggy clothes”. Remember that you are still a Black woman. Remember that.