Placeholder Versus the Person You’re Meant to Be With

In honor of love month coming to an end, lets have some girl talk.

My best friend and I getting married only a month a part has my head exploding as I reminisce. In 2023, we both were having our "waiting to exhale" moment on my sofa happy with our serial dating, single lives. 

I’ve always believed that every relationship serves a purpose, whether it’s a lesson or a blessing. But there comes a time when you have to ask yourself: Is this person a placeholder, or are they the one I’m meant to be with? It’s a question I’ve grappled with, and I want to share my thoughts on how to tell the difference.

The Comfort of a Placeholder
Let’s be real—placeholders are comfortable. They provide companionship, fill the silence, and can even help you heal from past wounds. But over time, I’ve realized that comfort isn’t enough. Placeholders often lack the depth and connection that come with someone who truly resonates with your soul. They’re there to keep you company, but deep down, you might sense something is missing.

I’ve had my share of relationships that felt safe and easy, but in hindsight, they were more about filling a void than truly connecting. It’s easy to confuse the temporary satisfaction of a placeholder with the deeper fulfillment that comes from being with the right person.

Signs of a Placeholder
In my experience, there are a few signs that can indicate you’re with a placeholder:

1. Lack of Future Plans: When I thought about the future with this person, it was often fuzzy. I didn’t find myself making concrete plans or envisioning a life together in a meaningful way. It was more about enjoying the present without much thought for what was next.
2. Emotional Disconnection: While the relationship might have had its moments of joy, I often felt a lack of emotional depth. Conversations didn’t go beyond surface-level topics, and there was little vulnerability or sharing of our innermost thoughts and feelings.
3. Settling for Less: There were times I convinced myself that “good enough” was acceptable. But in reality, I was settling for someone who didn’t challenge me to grow or inspire me to be the best version of myself.

Recognizing the Person You’re Meant to Be With
When I finally met the person who truly felt like “the one,” everything changed. Here’s how I knew they weren’t just a placeholder:

1. A Clear Vision of the Future: Suddenly, I could see a future together—a life filled with shared dreams, goals, and adventures. It wasn’t just about the here and now; it was about building something lasting and meaningful.
2. Deep Emotional Connection: This relationship brought out a level of emotional intimacy I hadn’t experienced before. We could talk about anything and everything, from our greatest fears to our wildest dreams. There was a sense of trust and understanding that went beyond words.
3. Personal Growth: Being with this person inspired me to grow and evolve. They encouraged me to pursue my passions, supported my ambitions, and made me want to be the best version of myself. It wasn’t just about us as a couple; it was about helping each other become the best individuals we could be.
4. A Sense of Peace: Most importantly, being with the right person brought me a sense of peace. There was no anxiety, no questioning whether I was settling. I felt secure in the relationship, confident that this was where I was meant to be.

Moving Forward with Clarity
Understanding the difference between a placeholder and the person you’re meant to be with has been a journey for me. It’s taught me the importance of self-awareness and the need to be honest with myself about what I truly want in a relationship.

If you find yourself in a relationship that feels like it’s more about convenience than connection, it might be worth reflecting on whether you’re with a placeholder. Trust me, the right person is out there, and when you find them, you’ll know. It’s a feeling of clarity, peace, and deep connection that simply can’t be faked.